Two years ago tonight, I held my husband's hand for the first time. Precious? Yes.
So many butterflies! You know those times when you're out with a boy, and you don't know what's going on, you just have some hopes. You're constantly questioning everything, and you're so scared and nervous but you're totally soaking up every minute of it. Please welcome a brief synopsis of what was running through my head that evening:
"Is this a date?--wait no, it can't be a date...BUT IT IS A DATE! Maybe not, maybe we're just two people, out getting sandwiches. Does him using a buy one get one free coupon count as him paying? Does his use of said coupon on me mean he likes me, or that he just likes good deals? I hope this sub is good. I just ordered the same as him because I didn't want to take ten years deciding what to get. Hopefully he doesn't read into that and think that I can't think for myself. ...I'm really not even hungry. I'm never hungry when I think a boy likes me--why is that? Nerves? Some weird instinct to help me lose weight and appear more attractive? Whatever, it's awkward when I have to go out to eat. What are we talking about? I don't know, I'm probably rambling. I always start telling stories about my family. Do guys like that? I don't know. Does Dan like that? What does he even like? I know he likes Sensuous Sandwich, but does he like me? Is he going to make a move? I don't even know if I want him to. Ok, yeah I want him to. Good grief, he's so cute. Is this really happening? Am I really on a date with Dan Snow?? Let's think: he picked me up from the Testing Center. That counts for something, right? We made plans to do something tonight, just not specific--that probably counts against it, although we did know we were having dinner together...so, maybe...Why can't I just stop worrying about this. Who cares, be yourself! Smile more. Don't giggle like an idiot though. And let him talk some, for goodness sake, stop the nervous yabbering. Now we're leaving, we're getting in the car. I'm always too quiet in cars. Is that awkward? Some people like to just sit and drive and listen to music. But maybe he's the other kind, that like to talk all the time. Oh well, it's a five minute drive. He's not going to not ask you out again just because you didn't talk in the car. Maybe he's welcoming the silence...is that good or bad?" Fast Foward. "So now it's dark, we're watching a movie with an established-other-couple...should I sit closer to him? Am I giving off enough vibes? I'll tell you what, I am sure as heck not leaving my hand in the bear trap formation. I used to hate it when guys did that to me...but what should I do with my hands?? I'll just leave them in my lap. They're still accessible, right? Well, more so than if I folded my arms. It works. GASP---he just put his arm up behind me. Is that an invitation to lean in, or does he just find that comfortable? Some people do just like to rest their arms on the back of couches...I'll just sit here awkwardly and wait for another sign. This movie is actually really good. I really wanted to see this. And now I'm sitting here watching it with Dan, who may or may not want to cuddle with me, and now we have an inside joke about the aborignes! I like that I can laugh with him. I just wish I'd stop being nervous. What is he doing with that hand...is he??? Wow, one fell swoop, and he got my hand in his. This is like a dream. This is the best moment of my entire life, right here. I could die happy. Ok, no, I don't want to die right now, there's a few more things in life I'd like to do. But if Dan Snow likes me, the world just became that much more beautiful. Oh my word, so freaking happy. Dan likes me. I feel like I just won the lottery. Cue cozying up to him."