Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Just Around the River Bend

I can't get this song out of my head.  I find it sneaking into the line-up of lullabies I sing London before bedtime.

I look once more, just around the river bend

Life has seemed...stalled as of late.  Like I've hit some doldrums.  I feel as though I used to see inspiration everywhere.  I know it's still there, I'm just not paying attention.  It's kind of silly that a song from Pocahontas shook me out of it, but my mind feels like it's moving again for the first time in a long time.

Don't know what for,
Why must all my dreams extend
Just around the river bend?

Do you remember when you were 17, and thought you were going to do the greatest things?  The whole world was at your fingertips, so close to your grasp.  I feel like that right now.

Should I choose the smoothest course?
Steady as the beating drum?

I have these talents.  Things that the Lord has blessed me with.  Things that I am naturally good at, that I put years of work into, things that brought beauty and inspiration into my life, and I've just kind of buried them.  Obviously life has been a bit overwhelming lately.  And it's more complicated than it used to be, there are plenty more responsibilities.  But one thought keeps creeping into my mind over and over the past few days.  "What kind of people do I want my kids to be?  Be that person."  That is kind of scary.  I think lately I've been afraid of risk, of failing, of people not liking me or finding me "uncool" (yes, I still worry about that and probably always will).  I can't let these things keep me from trying.  Or keep me from doing things I love.   

What I love most about rivers is-
You can't step in the same river twice;
The waters always changing, always flowing

 Call it an epiphany, or merely an attitude adjustment.  23 seemed so old a few hours ago.  I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but really, it did!  I know it's not though.  There's still so much time to become.  Hopefully it will be something better than I am now.

Or do you still wait for me, Dreamgiver?
Just around the riverbend?


SupaFlowaPowa said...

I just heard that song yesterday on the Disney Pandora station Jordan and I listen to and I was so excited and singing it at the top of my lungs and Jordan just turned it off - without any care of hesitation. I was hoping your reference title was to the awesome song!!!
You're not alone. I always think about my dreams and I have so many and am not able to do so many of them but then I forget that I am also living one of them! It's important not to let your passions or talents die even when things get really busy but also to keep dreaming, those dreams change. Life changes. Right now my dreams are very different from when I was 17 but I still think I can rule the world, just with tons of kiddos along with me. hahahaha.

7carrs said...

that feeling never goes- and sometimes certain talents take a back seat, but we always can start anew. I always remember that Sister Camilla Kimball, wife of the prophet, Spencer W., took up painting when most people are retiring. Sometimes we have to be creative in fitting in that time for talents or learning something new. Our stake president told how his wife became a great scriptorian- by reading and studying during late night feedings of her babies. So we just have to find the way we can work it in.
love ya!