I look once more, just around the river bend
Life has seemed...stalled as of late. Like I've hit some doldrums. I feel as though I used to see inspiration everywhere. I know it's still there, I'm just not paying attention. It's kind of silly that a song from Pocahontas shook me out of it, but my mind feels like it's moving again for the first time in a long time.
Don't know what for,
Why must all my dreams extend
Just around the river bend?
Do you remember when you were 17, and thought you were going to do the greatest things? The whole world was at your fingertips, so close to your grasp. I feel like that right now.
Should I choose the smoothest course?
Steady as the beating drum?
I have these talents. Things that the Lord has blessed me with. Things that I am naturally good at, that I put years of work into, things that brought beauty and inspiration into my life, and I've just kind of buried them. Obviously life has been a bit overwhelming lately. And it's more complicated than it used to be, there are plenty more responsibilities. But one thought keeps creeping into my mind over and over the past few days. "What kind of people do I want my kids to be? Be that person." That is kind of scary. I think lately I've been afraid of risk, of failing, of people not liking me or finding me "uncool" (yes, I still worry about that and probably always will). I can't let these things keep me from trying. Or keep me from doing things I love.
What I love most about rivers is-
You can't step in the same river twice;
The waters always changing, always flowing
Call it an epiphany, or merely an attitude adjustment. 23 seemed so old a few hours ago. I know some of you are rolling your eyes, but really, it did! I know it's not though. There's still so much time to become. Hopefully it will be something better than I am now.
Or do you still wait for me, Dreamgiver?
Just around the riverbend?