Yesterday was rough...the girls and I didn't leave the hotel room, which never bodes well for their behavior, or my mood. I went to bed in a foul one. My birthday was on Sunday, and I've been reflecting a lot on where I am in life vs. where I thought I would be at this age. Between my bad mood and the pregnancy hormones, I was feeling pretty upset with myself.
I have the bad habit of thinking once I get to this point in my life, or once my girls get past this paticular stage, then life will be smooth sailing. But life is never going to be smooth sailing. Which is a seriously terrifying and overwhelming thought sometimes. As lay in bed, tossing and turning with what felt like the weight of world or at least the future of three tiny humans on my shoulders, one of my favorite quotes came into my mind:
"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."
--Marjorie Pay Hinckley
--Marjorie Pay Hinckley
It is so easy to get caught up in all the negatives and forget all the beauty that is around us. I think that sometimes, I mentally keep myself in the hotel room of life, forgetting that right outside my door is freaking paradise!
Motherhood is hard. So far I have only experienced it with little kids, but I can tell you that right now it is a struggle to get the most mundane tasks done. And have you ever tried to reason with a three-year-old?? It is enough to make you begin to question your own sanity. My nearly two-year-old is the world's biggest mama's girl, and still drinks from a bottle every night...and uses a binkie ALL. THE. TIME. And yes, dear stranger giving me a scandalized look at the pool, both my children are screaming and fighting me and I DO have another one on the way. I'm as crazy as you think. And I'm sure that when I have three teenage girls in my house I will have a whole new set of problems, and fondly reminisce about the days when my biggest issue was trying to convince one of them to put on panties while the other is screaming for her binkie and the third is in my belly making me totally nauseous.
But you know what? London just came out here on the balcony while I was writing this, eating a pink pop-tart (her very favorite), telling me about how the birds love to try and eat her pop-tart crumbs because they like pink pop-tarts too. And you know what, it was such a common, mundane moment, but it made my heart melt. And every day that is made up of temper tantrums and circular questioning and waiting for Juliet to catch up because she must look at absolutely every flower and say hello to every person, is also full of pop-tart moments and Juliet snuggles and little girl giggles, and I love that, truly. And even though my pregnant body is tired and hungry and sick, I get another little girl for Christmas. And so when the pregnancy hormones have got me down and I feel trapped in the hotel room, I am going to remember the ocean is right outside, that these crazy human beings who drive me crazy are my family, and that I am going to enjoy my life and all the blessings it contains.