Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The joys of being pregnant.

In case you missed the facebook announcement on my birthday: I'm pregnant! 13 weeks and five days. 

Thanks to genetics, I've been a very sickly pregnant woman.  Fortunately, I've been getting better, but I still have my moments.  Like this morning, driving to work.

[fyi, this might become one of those stories where you say, Lauren, this is just tmi, and I can't handle it.  If morning sickness grosses you out, stop reading now.]

One of my fears since I started getting sick is that I would start to get sick on the freeway while driving to work and have no where to pull over and die in a car accident due to the large amounts of projectile vomit spewing forth from my mouth.  Death by throw-up.  Not the way I want to go. 

The funny thing is, I wasn't that worried about it today.  Sure, I felt a little queasy, but that's normal until about lunch time.  I was jamming out to Regina Spektor, minding my own business, when all of a sudden this huge belch finds its way out of my digestive system.  It tasted like cheerios.  And right then and there, I knew I was going to be barfing in a matter of moments.  I was still two exits away from my office.  No problem, I thought, I'll just hold it down.  It'll be fine.  I can get through this.  Except those gross, pregnant, cheerio-infused burps kept finding their way to the surface.  And then my gag reflex started kicking in.  Once that happened, I knew I was a goner, and suddenly, my breakfast was in my mouth.  Just sitting there.  Because I wasn't about to let half-digested cheerios get all over my clothes.  Before I got off the freeway, one more dose of breakfast had joined the party in my mouth. 

Mercifully, the light was red when I got off the freeway.  Only then I realized I'd forgotten to bring a trusty barf-bag with me to finish the deed.  BUT then I remembered the two Vons bags full of snacks for work in the back seat.  I reached back, dumped out the popcorn, goldfish, and lean cuisines I'd stocked up on, and pulled that heavenly piece of plastic towards me.  I think you can guess the rest of this part of the story.  Then, I picked up my plastic bag of unmentionables, to move it and its horrific smell to the passenger side and away from me...only to discover that, SURPRISE, there was a hole in the bottom of the bag.  So all that nice slobber that had been accumulating in my mouth with the cheerios had leaked onto my lap.  So yeah, I threw-up, but I looked like I had wet my pants.

How was your morning?


7carrs said...

oh my heck- your dad used to be able to point out all the places along the road where I had to stop and throw up- like the 91 freeway, on the way to the doctor. And yes I was pregnant with you:) karma? perhaps. Of course I could probably tell a story about each of your siblings as well!

Autumn said...

I think I am going to buy more birth control now....something about this story and teaching children all day makes me really frightened of children.

I did laugh, but I hope this doesn't pass along to me.

brighton said...

this is the best story! and my morning was uneventful, thanks for asking. congrats once again, i seriously am so excited for you guys!!

Brady and Jamie Sefcik said...

Oh Lauren.. LOL (literally) That sounds like no fun :(

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh. Funniest story ever. And I am so sorry. Hahahah I love you.

robertandsharon said...

Oh, this brings back such horrible 'throw-up' memories of my pregnancies!

Shalee said...

I will be the one to tell you like it is... that is Disgusting! I'm pretty sure I was gagging the whole time I read it! I'm sorry about the pregnancy woes but you will love the final result! Happy days Lauren!

Belly B said...

OH MY GOSH. This is just the best story ever. I feel so sorry about the last part. that must have been HORRIFIC. But still, I'm sure you'll start getting your pregnancy glow soon!

Belly B :)